Do you know what it feels like to lose yourself? It’s not what you might think. You don’t wake up one morning and not recognize the person staring back at you. It’s not this gradual slipping away from your old self where you know what is happening and just don’t stop it.
What does it look like to lose you? It sneaks up on you while you’re amid the daily grind. You don’t notice it happening. But then you do. You notice. And you’re defeated. Emptied. Distressed.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
We must redefine who we are once we become a mother; all with less sleep, clarity and the greatest responsibility that we have ever had to assume. And it isn’t just new mothers that struggle with having to constantly adjust either. I struggled the most after my second child. With first I snapped back. Yes, I was younger, divorced and had a point to prove. I worked hard on my ‘Revenge body’.
After having my second child, our son, I dwelled into motherhood. I chose to shut everything out and dive into motherhood. I lived in sweatpants, didn’t care much about anything except the kids and a tiny bit for the hubby.
WHY IS IT SO IMPORTANT TO FIND YOURSELF?
‘Finding yourself’. It makes sense, and yet, it doesn’t because I have and always known myself. In motherhood we move into a wholly different space, and it changes us; it reshapes every element of our being. I’m different, and dare I say a new person. That being said, I want to be the best that I can be.
Aside from helping you to lead a happy, fulfilled life, finding yourself will benefit your husband and your children. Seeing you accomplish goals, overcome fears and become stronger can help your relationship with your husband by helping him reach higher as well.
FOR MY KIDS
Your kids can see that their mother is more than just the person around the house but as a person with goals; with dreams and with a vision of her life that will lead them to want more out of their own.
I want my children to appreciate me as a mom but to also see their mom thrive in these years. I don’t want them to look back and think wow she was a good mom but never really that happy.
Find yourself. It’s worth the time and you’re worth every minute and every experience, because a happier you means a happier family.
WHERE TO START
START A FITNESS ROUTINE
“Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands (or kids).”
When you’re feeling like the walls are closing in and you’re going to go crazy, go for a walk/run or in my case, pole dancing. It will help get those feelings cleared out and you can focus on other things. Plus, it will help you get in shape.
It can get a little hectic to try and workout with kids of varying ages, but I can tell the difference in my day when I make the time and effort to move more. If possible, get your kids involved.
LOOK FOR EVENTS IN YOUR COMMUNITY
Maybe you can’t really get started with some of your old talents but you’ve always wanted to try something new. The best way to try something is see what is going on in your local community. There are always events from book clubs to craft nights to sports. I am into night running nowadays, it’s so much fun.
CREATE A BUCKET LIST
I’m guilty of saying that I want to do this or that and then forgetting about it or never making the time to do it. Sit down and write out the things you want to accomplish, no matter how crazy it is. If you want to learn a language, find an app that will help you out (Duolingo is a good one!). To go skydiving or climb mountains or to finish a novel, put it on the list. Subsequently put it somewhere you can see it often, and make plans to do one at a time. You may not travel to the Maldives this year or the next, but you can save a little here and there to get there in a few years. I am living proof that you can start something new regardless of your age. You can travel regardless of the size of your family.