Had you told me this 9yrs back, I would’ve cut you out of my life, slapped you or just shot you dead. I was madly in love with this man, and never thought in a million years that we would break up. Life though, throws us curveballs when we least expect it. Within a year of marriage we were divorced. Miss Flower Jackson is a result of that marriage. And it is because of my love for her that I would never go into details as to what happened. My kids always come first and I will protect her with my life. That’s the difference between divorce with, and without children. You have to shield your kids from the ugly and so be civil even when you feel like screaming.
This is a guide to that mom going through divorce –
1. Forgive him. Forgive yourself. Nothing is a waste of time like anger. Holding onto anger only hurts you and not them. Let it go. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
2. There is no time limit to healing, so don’t pressurize yourself to “feel better”. It didn’t take you a minute to let him into your heart, so take time to get him out of your heart. That way you’ll know you healed properly.
3. Take some time off, don’t jump into the next relationship that comes by. Pray for guidance when choosing your next partner and take your time. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone, your ex and society.
4. Accept that no-one is perfect. That’ one major factor that helped me move on in peace. It is not your responsibility to change/save/heal your partner. They are who they are.
5. Don’t you dare introduce your kids to every “uncle” that you date. It’s not fair on them and limits the respect they had for you. Always put them first. If a man really loves you, he’ll love your kids the same.
6. Your children will not hate you. With your love and reassurance, they too can survive your separation.
If you are finding it really difficult to cope, seek help. That does not make you weak at all, its just a step towards finding yourself again. I find that I came out a better woman from divorce. Excruciating as it was, my relationship with God has magnified. I value my current husband so much more because of my experiences. My daughter is extremely happy and thriving.